The cessation of life is one of the most difficult realities that mankind will encounter; must encounter. Though we may support scripture that speaks on this wise; "some will be alive at the second Advent of our Lord and Savior.. (1 Thes. 4:15-18) however, there is still the encounter of being changed into an immortal body which still becomes as death to one's mortal being.
There are several stages that one may encounter when facing the inevitable; death. And, all paraprofessionals and professionals in the medical/nursing field have commited these five stages to medical memory banks. In the case of the "terminally ill," the processes may develop slowly. The mental capacity which coincides with the emotional facilities of the dying is known as; D.A.B.D.A. These five studied stages were first introduced in 1969 by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book; "Death and Dying," however these stages still apply to the basics of life. In this particular article my aim is to address; "A dying love."
Oftentimes when we encounter those individuals which have that "something special," and, if you're like myself; you put your best foot forward, and may even crack the door of your heart, in hopes that they will accomodate that human void of intimacy. So, here starts the fruition of; "a new love." It's breathtaking with scents and auras that revitalize the mundane process of living. You apply every principle afforded your sexuality and your gender. You slowly but surely; unchain your heart. And as human nature evolves into the facets of "love," you give your lover the key to your heart....."phenumenal woman/man are we."
Life is progressive; never tires. Life is the gift of God, and our loving Creator has offered test, trials and tribulations to strengthen us for whatever lesson is necessary to encounter, abide under or to promote wellness and spiritual growth. So as we travel with our significant other; the aim is to become as one. However, sometimes during the dating process we miss the ultimate key of compatibility; communication. We forget to listen to the signs. Our vision may be obstructed by beauty, money, children or ignorance. We sometimes don't listen to logic and immaturely apply principles applicable to platonic friendships or relationships based on, "off the chain sex." Ludicrous!
Now the reality of incompatibility coupled with; "I cannot stand you," has set in. What is one to do? Well most logical individuals; seek counseling, try and work it out, temporarily separate, or "breakup/divorce." As with the stages of dying we primarily deny there is anything wrong. Chanting religiously, "Oh it's them, it's me"....yada yada. At best you try and work it out; "to no avail." Then of course anger is a failing relationship's MVP; nothing like "grudge sex," or pointing out the same fallacies that you've lived with for months, years, decades even.
I've heard so many excuses for "piss poor" behaviors until I recently had to throw out the mental file I held on to for future reference. This is the stage of "bargaining." One of the most difficult stages for myself was the third leg of "the dying love relay team; "depression." It's nothing like a woman scorned, or a man who just found out; "that ain't my baby.." (Please don't go on national T.V.). Depression is mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally and irrationally challenging. The depression that one may suffer due to lost love is cynical at times. Not bathing or eating due to an individual that could care less, or has conceded to move on, while you wait outside their house/apartment in hopes of a reconciliation is "street sad." Even a drug abused prostitute knows when to L.I.G. (Let It Go)!
So, here we have it the first four stages of a dying love. The last stage is actually a process; acceptance. The whole concept in comparing D.A.B.D.A., to lost love is to allow the thought processes of the reader to decipher the reality that love should not and does not die. However relationships can and do. People will either drift apart or gravitate towards a reality greater than logic, lust or compatibility; "unconditonal love." Only through Divine appointment can this category of love be achieved and shared. This love is limited to a "soulmate." How will one know? Through prayer and acknowledgement that surpasses human understanding.
The reality should be; though we didn't make it as a couple, we can still maintain an air of decency. Bitterness, unforgiveness, grudges, hate and irrational behaviors are tools of stupidity, and may very well be the culprits of why the relationship died. Love for one's self and life should always remain as the front runner of every couple's journey. Therefore when personalities clash or the reality sets in that; "we just aren't meant for each other.." one can still live; abundantly.
Ty Mays (January 6, 2010)
Tina to many....Precious to only one
