The trials and tribulations of a woman are no different that those of humanity as a whole. What differentiates this unique phase of life is our mode of travel during our journey travels, which are assigned to every living human being. You may choose to fly through your life lessons, or take the scenic route; but you still must travel or your maturity, testimony, and experience will falter, and various life test will recur in that particular area over and over again until you face your fears and failures honestly and prayerfully. Somehow, women tend to feel at times their situations are isolated at best. Even the scriptures declare in 1 Corinthians 10:13, there is NO temptation uncommon to man. Paraphrasing; "whatever you are being faced with now; someone else has overcome, or will be faced with the same dilemma you are experiencing." Much like a hurricane; the varying categories are determined by the onset and other factors, but again; it’s still a hurricane. As heartbreak is heartbreak; the sickening feeling in your spirit is no different from your female counterpart. But, considering how you choose to face your dilemma will be the varying factor.
My journey entails the same traumas most women have gone through or may go through; concerning relationships. The man, the location, the first date etc, may differ but love lost; is love lost, infidelity is cheating, and domestic violence is a cowards approach to insecurities. So why do we feel like the lone ranger when we are faced with the inevitable? Somehow in the back of 65% of the women mind’s I’ve encountered are; we knew before the 2nd date that this; “new love,” would hit major speed bumps. But, women are such nurturing creatures; we always feel we can nurse a two legged dog back to moral health. In essence we are competing against those many women before us who failed miserably. We ultimately are oblivious to those countless red flags; warning violently even, not to pursue or allow this repeat offender the time of day.
I’ve compiled a few checklist items that may serve as a guide or a pre-screening questionnaire.
1. Check with mutual friends concerning his past relationships. Get a factual account of what type person he is, etc.
2. Question his views on failed or past relationships.
3. Inquire about children and the current relationship he has with the mother or mothers
4. Investigate if he’s married (mandatory)
5. Note the times he calls, or if you’re able to contact him at those “married” hours.
6. Be open about your views concerning monogamous relationships.
7. Don’t compromise! If he is in transition or between relationships; list the ground rules. (Most cases there is an “ex.” Either they have moved on or they haven’t)
8. Try not to pry, but express your concerns about being victimized by the stigma most black men have. (If he in turn is offended; “move on,” at best, he should understand and assure you that he is different and terminate your apprehensions or fears.)
9. Note the behaviors and attitudes of his immediate friends or male family members. (This sometimes becomes the epitome of weak men.)
10. Lastly, be prepared to be scrutinized in the same capacity you’ve issued.
Though this synopsis is my personal reflection and experience; I stand as one of countless women who strongly agree with and have utilized their own checklist to not become a recurring victim of two legged dogs.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Mother's Day...Just another day?
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May 12, 2009 - Tuesday
When Mother's Day becomes just another day
Current mood: breezy
Category: Romance and Relationships
I thought it best to wait and post this particular blog until well after Mother's Day. The sentiments I express in this particular piece may serve to unsettle some complacent attitudes towards what Motherhood actually entails. A Mother is a gift, and unfortunately not always appreciated. If we sit and wait for children, be it adolescent, teenager or young adult to fall over themselves giving their undying gratitude and affection for our undying devotion, then I say "Child Boo." A child's cognitive abilities and emotional growth spurts are better served learning life, and are constantly in the developmental stages. So bashing one's head against the wall wondering why; "my children don't appreciate me", or even yet thank you is to say the least, "a waste of precious time." If the truth be told they are gifts from God, and their primary focus should be to appreciate God. You as the parent, in this case the Mom, are His servant, and your gratitude should be to Him. And, trust me Sista He gives you the gift of life in an outside of the womb.
To those parents who choose to adopt; KUDOS to you, you are God-Sends. But if you choose to tell your child that they are adopted then that decision lays solely with your household. It's not just a child's right to know, but moreso, his/her choice to ask. Please be wise in how you answer. Sometimes telling an adopted child to early on in life their complete biological background might just leave "your" child emotional scarred to soon. There is no way to avoid emotional scarring, but know that time does heal all wounds, especially if you've chosen a spiritual approach and resolution.
To those adopted children, well every situation is unique. All adopted children will experience a sense of loss, whether they meet their biological sibling or parent later in life or never have any knowledge of ever finding or meeting their predecessors, the loss of growing up contrary to the bulk of societal norms can be a challenge. Trust me adopted children whether they grow up in a functional or dysfunctional home, they all have a small to large degree of actually feeling as though "something is missing."
And finally to those parents that choose to give their children up for adoption, well if this is the only avenue for your child to live a life you feel you cannot attend to either at the time of your decision or even now, then at least you chose the best decision for the child. There are too many biological parent(s) that choose death or life, so stop kicking yourself (just in case you are) over an intelligent adult decision.
Why such a blog? Why not? Mother's Day is a day of celebration, but it very well should be a day of celebration every day that Elohim (God) allows you to wake up to the reality that you brought forth life....do the best you can to maintain life. Everyday you should thank God for the gift of Motherhood, whether it's a good day, or a bad day, you were handpicked by God to raise HIS children. There are some who cannot conceive children, or they have lost their parental rights. So Happy Mother's Day everyday that God chooses to grace the earth with your presence.
When Mother's Day becomes just another day
Current mood: breezy
Category: Romance and Relationships
I thought it best to wait and post this particular blog until well after Mother's Day. The sentiments I express in this particular piece may serve to unsettle some complacent attitudes towards what Motherhood actually entails. A Mother is a gift, and unfortunately not always appreciated. If we sit and wait for children, be it adolescent, teenager or young adult to fall over themselves giving their undying gratitude and affection for our undying devotion, then I say "Child Boo." A child's cognitive abilities and emotional growth spurts are better served learning life, and are constantly in the developmental stages. So bashing one's head against the wall wondering why; "my children don't appreciate me", or even yet thank you is to say the least, "a waste of precious time." If the truth be told they are gifts from God, and their primary focus should be to appreciate God. You as the parent, in this case the Mom, are His servant, and your gratitude should be to Him. And, trust me Sista He gives you the gift of life in an outside of the womb.
To those parents who choose to adopt; KUDOS to you, you are God-Sends. But if you choose to tell your child that they are adopted then that decision lays solely with your household. It's not just a child's right to know, but moreso, his/her choice to ask. Please be wise in how you answer. Sometimes telling an adopted child to early on in life their complete biological background might just leave "your" child emotional scarred to soon. There is no way to avoid emotional scarring, but know that time does heal all wounds, especially if you've chosen a spiritual approach and resolution.
To those adopted children, well every situation is unique. All adopted children will experience a sense of loss, whether they meet their biological sibling or parent later in life or never have any knowledge of ever finding or meeting their predecessors, the loss of growing up contrary to the bulk of societal norms can be a challenge. Trust me adopted children whether they grow up in a functional or dysfunctional home, they all have a small to large degree of actually feeling as though "something is missing."
And finally to those parents that choose to give their children up for adoption, well if this is the only avenue for your child to live a life you feel you cannot attend to either at the time of your decision or even now, then at least you chose the best decision for the child. There are too many biological parent(s) that choose death or life, so stop kicking yourself (just in case you are) over an intelligent adult decision.
Why such a blog? Why not? Mother's Day is a day of celebration, but it very well should be a day of celebration every day that Elohim (God) allows you to wake up to the reality that you brought forth life....do the best you can to maintain life. Everyday you should thank God for the gift of Motherhood, whether it's a good day, or a bad day, you were handpicked by God to raise HIS children. There are some who cannot conceive children, or they have lost their parental rights. So Happy Mother's Day everyday that God chooses to grace the earth with your presence.
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