How many times have we heard this one, "She/he said they loved me, and now it's over, just like that?" If the truth be told, I have exclaimed many times my love for said individual, and sincerely made every attempt to pursue truth. Nevertheless, in the latter, the truth was; "I just don't love you anymore." When occurrences like such happen; someone will be left holding a broken heart, hate, or if wise; a willingness to just let it go.
The bible states in Jeremiah 17:9; the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked who can know it? We all have the right to either pursue the intent of heart, or allow the heart to change its mind at any given moment. The truth of the matter is; to be true to thine own self first and foremost.
As I look back, I don't really think that playas mean to break hearts as opposed to capturing a heart, and then pursuing another. However if you are on the receiving end of his/her ploy; your perception may be; you accepted the booty call, now you want to keep it moving...you a dog. Unfortunately, the minds of some women say; "Oh I got dat goodie goodie, and I can hold it down." Well, wake up "Ms Booty," you just got played.
People we meet are just people looking for adventure, casual conversation, a long/short term relationship, sex (continuously or one night), friendship (platonic) or marriage. Very seldom will we meet those individuals that are wise in taking a general acquaintance as just that, and if mutual feelings develop, they are willing to just vibe and see where it goes.
The problem is; some of us rush in with an abyss of feelings, lead by a blind heart, and unintentionally listen with our hearts; hence we are setting ourselves up for a heartbreak. It is both wise and expedient to weigh your options, listen, prayerfully consider behavior patterns, and don't take pleasantries out of context. The worst thing anyone can do is ask their "intended significant other," how they feel about them during sex! Child Boo...this is a train wreck waiting to happen. Some of us, me included have accepted money and generous offerings from a counterpart or two or three... knowing all too well, this was not our choice of a "man." In addition, we didn't know how to cut off his feelings and still maintain the generous benefits. This is trifling. Here lays the deceit of the heart.
It is strength to the soul when we maintain inner truth. If I am not feeling you from the first hello, then trust you will not get my phone number, email or otherwise. If I do start with a pleasant vibe and find out after a few dates we just do not mix; "hey we tried...Deuces...” It is wise in our present dating circles to consider going dutch the first couple of dates, and see how things progress. My only regret in certain relationships is finding out to late that had I noticed the warning signs, noted the stop signs and not just proceeded with caution but also rather; ended the relationship at the moment...well I would not have anything to testify of, or better yet, I would not have a subject matter. Seriously, way too many bitter individuals proceed through life spreading their misery due to their own lack of attention to detail. Personally, we can all benefit from self-examination periodically.
1) If you cannot name at least 20 beautiful attributes, likes or qualities that you love about your significant other; you have possibly lost your zest, you are bored, you are emotionally blind, or you just do not care anymore. Even if you repeat the same attributes these are the qualities that still turn you on, or you care the most about.
For example; "My List"
He's considerate, a good listener, a gentleman, very cautious, astute, very charming, loves to cuddle, intelligent, very humble, extremely intellectual, wild sense of humor, knowledgeable spiritually, health conscious, loves Jazz, computer literate to the 10th power, business minded, smells yummy, handsome and cute and fine..., good son to his parents and siblings, great father and the list goes on....
2) Ensure the feelings are mutual; the heart has the right to change its mind..."For as he thinketh in his heart; so is he..." Psalm 23:7. Sometimes we grow out of not necessarily love, but those "habits or cute things" about our significant other, and now they're just childish, and irritating. We have a right to grow as an individual. Problem in most relationships is, "individually one stopped growing or they didn't grow as a couple." There are steps one can take to rehabilitate a failing growth, but this needs to be worked out on a couple by couple basis. A therapist/counselor/clergy member may not always provide a "manual of steps," to speak for the heart. Sometimes a person just wants out for no apparent reason, it seems the heart has grown weary and just wants to move on... If this is the case, "let them go." Either they will find out later that they made a costly mistake or you will find out you did. At any rate, sometimes separation brings appreciation or both parties come to the reality that; "you can't make a person love you intimately if it's not there."
3) Love yourself in spite of another's rejection of your love. Your love is your love....a man/woman has a right to reject that love, even if at one point they assumed they loved you, and now today they don't. If your concern is the time or money you invested in the relationship, then you were just a superficial entity anyway.
The heart is the largest muscle in the body, and is divided by four compatible quadrants. Each portion of this circulatory system serves a divine purpose; to sustain life. Consider the possibility of the heart having to be broken at times; just to see what your heart contains. Either you will find your sole purpose for living outside of a purposeless relationship, or maybe your maturity level exceeds or is below the standards necessary to fulfill a meaningful or meaningless relationship, and just maybe you need to love yourself first before you can appreciate or contribute to a mature relationship.
I have learned to examine my heart first. In the inner workings of my heart, lay the substance of my womanhood. I have learned that God has provided me with the vital tools to love unconditionally, and to also know when it is either time to move on, or maintain; "till death do us part."
Stay blessed;
Ty Mays
Precious to only one
