"The Thinking Cap"

As life continues it's synonymous course with time, humanity continues it's mundane course of uncertainties and probing inquiries. At day's dawning our minds awaken to the constant chaos of decisions. We contend to itemizing what issue takes precedence over yesterday's issue, and how we can minimize literal thinking. When we are plagued with decisions, we usually weigh the severity. If the resolve is baffling or non-existent, we tend to confer with trusted confidantes, or seek advice from associates. My mama used to say; "put on your thinking cap." Oftentimes the same counsel we seek from others, we can actually contemplate ourselves.

It's not uncommon to ask for advice on certain subject matters, however one might receive quotes such as; "what would you do if I wasn't here?" In other words, "you know you, better than anyone." It's best to allow your decision-making skills the opportunity to serve it's purpose. It's vital that we as humankind, encourage ourselves, and utilize the power of thought. It is not always necessary or vital to confer every occurrence in our individual lives with spouses or otherwise. It becomes a bit tideous for all parties involved. Until one comes to that defining moment which I myself came to several years ago, one's mind will stay in constant limbo, under-nourished, and lay dormant.

The best unforunate turn of events that ever happened to myself was to literally cut a "friend," completely off. They had taken residence in my personal business containment. This scenario is fruitless and makes for a friend becoming a foe. It became unbearable to bear my soul on every issue of my life to this individual. Oftentimes individuals take the term "best friend," way out of context. It's best to maintain parameters, and more so, contemplate your own needs first and foremost and if you cannot come to a reasonable solution then consider conferring with a trusted associate/friend or significant other. Either way, give yourself the right to think for YOU!

Lastly, consider how decisions affect other's in your immediate surroundings. Many times than few, the response of others are irrelevant or redundant to your own resolve. Take charge of your mind, and your life. Maintain a healthy level of mental maintenance, and as an adult don't allow yourself to become so dependent on the responses or favortism of others.

Speak to yourself, speak for yourself and think for yourself!

Ty Mays
March 14, 2010

It wasn't the miles traveled that served any special interest to myself, but rather the reasoning behind the vital journey. How could one such love cause such a disturbance within the oracles of friends, concerned associates and even family? Well, possibly due to past indiscretions and total failure in the areas of, "love;" and that being on my behalf.

Unfortunate to the masses; this ordeal would supersede all speculations of repeat, and utterly despicable disasters. One can escape the pattern of; ordeals, and actually relish the possibilities even of; first love. However you must focus on lessons long learned.

Supposedly during early childhood we learn the principles of love through bonding with various caretakers, siblings, and friends. As our cognitive abilities mature, we are given the God-given ability to differentiate between parental/sibling/friendship and "guilt by association" relationships and encounters. Our final stage of emotional nurturing comes during puberty. If not altered or disturbed by the perversions of "sexual offenders," we can all enter into a rewarding experience of, "puppy love, high school sweethearts, young love, etc..

It's unfortunate that society has placed unreasonable expectations and conventional methods on when one should experience love, and agreeable parameters. When I was a child I spoke as a child...Hence; when I encountered my first crush, which grew to "puppy love," I actually thought I was in love; which in essence I was, according to my limited understanding..(Psychology I)

As I gallantly traveled through my twenties and thirties, I learned how to say " maybe, no, and hell naw," to various advances from my counterparts; preferably heterosexual encounters. I advanced to various levels while entertaining marriage, praying for a divorce., and just as I settled into my singleness, God blessed my life with; Life Love...(soon coming)

I can truly appreciate love at it's fullness now, due to countless bloopers, unwise choices, and the willingness to explore the possibilities of experiencing love the way God intended.

"Life Love," is that phase that most individuals my age can truly attest to. Life and Love can actually coexist or reign synonymously. You can either love life or tolerate living. It's something about loving one's self, and enjoying life that causes one to love. I actually value every heartache, and tear shed in my once abyss of pain. I now appreciate, relish and thank God for everyday I learn from my past mistakes and embrace my future; be it single or married.

Stay blessed

The Blessing; a broken heart

How many times have we heard this one, "She/he said they loved me, and now it's over, just like that?" If the truth be told, I have exclaimed many times my love for said individual, and sincerely made every attempt to pursue truth. Nevertheless, in the latter, the truth was; "I just don't love you anymore." When occurrences like such happen; someone will be left holding a broken heart, hate, or if wise; a willingness to just let it go.

The bible states in Jeremiah 17:9; the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked who can know it? We all have the right to either pursue the intent of heart, or allow the heart to change its mind at any given moment. The truth of the matter is; to be true to thine own self first and foremost.

As I look back, I don't really think that playas mean to break hearts as opposed to capturing a heart, and then pursuing another. However if you are on the receiving end of his/her ploy; your perception may be; you accepted the booty call, now you want to keep it moving...you a dog. Unfortunately, the minds of some women say; "Oh I got dat goodie goodie, and I can hold it down." Well, wake up "Ms Booty," you just got played.

People we meet are just people looking for adventure, casual conversation, a long/short term relationship, sex (continuously or one night), friendship (platonic) or marriage. Very seldom will we meet those individuals that are wise in taking a general acquaintance as just that, and if mutual feelings develop, they are willing to just vibe and see where it goes.

The problem is; some of us rush in with an abyss of feelings, lead by a blind heart, and unintentionally listen with our hearts; hence we are setting ourselves up for a heartbreak. It is both wise and expedient to weigh your options, listen, prayerfully consider behavior patterns, and don't take pleasantries out of context. The worst thing anyone can do is ask their "intended significant other," how they feel about them during sex! Child Boo...this is a train wreck waiting to happen. Some of us, me included have accepted money and generous offerings from a counterpart or two or three... knowing all too well, this was not our choice of a "man." In addition, we didn't know how to cut off his feelings and still maintain the generous benefits. This is trifling. Here lays the deceit of the heart.

It is strength to the soul when we maintain inner truth. If I am not feeling you from the first hello, then trust you will not get my phone number, email or otherwise. If I do start with a pleasant vibe and find out after a few dates we just do not mix; "hey we tried...Deuces...” It is wise in our present dating circles to consider going dutch the first couple of dates, and see how things progress. My only regret in certain relationships is finding out to late that had I noticed the warning signs, noted the stop signs and not just proceeded with caution but also rather; ended the relationship at the moment...well I would not have anything to testify of, or better yet, I would not have a subject matter. Seriously, way too many bitter individuals proceed through life spreading their misery due to their own lack of attention to detail. Personally, we can all benefit from self-examination periodically.

1) If you cannot name at least 20 beautiful attributes, likes or qualities that you love about your significant other; you have possibly lost your zest, you are bored, you are emotionally blind, or you just do not care anymore. Even if you repeat the same attributes these are the qualities that still turn you on, or you care the most about.

For example; "My List"

He's considerate, a good listener, a gentleman, very cautious, astute, very charming, loves to cuddle, intelligent, very humble, extremely intellectual, wild sense of humor, knowledgeable spiritually, health conscious, loves Jazz, computer literate to the 10th power, business minded, smells yummy, handsome and cute and fine..., good son to his parents and siblings, great father and the list goes on....

2) Ensure the feelings are mutual; the heart has the right to change its mind..."For as he thinketh in his heart; so is he..." Psalm 23:7. Sometimes we grow out of not necessarily love, but those "habits or cute things" about our significant other, and now they're just childish, and irritating. We have a right to grow as an individual. Problem in most relationships is, "individually one stopped growing or they didn't grow as a couple." There are steps one can take to rehabilitate a failing growth, but this needs to be worked out on a couple by couple basis. A therapist/counselor/clergy member may not always provide a "manual of steps," to speak for the heart. Sometimes a person just wants out for no apparent reason, it seems the heart has grown weary and just wants to move on... If this is the case, "let them go." Either they will find out later that they made a costly mistake or you will find out you did. At any rate, sometimes separation brings appreciation or both parties come to the reality that; "you can't make a person love you intimately if it's not there."

3) Love yourself in spite of another's rejection of your love. Your love is your love....a man/woman has a right to reject that love, even if at one point they assumed they loved you, and now today they don't. If your concern is the time or money you invested in the relationship, then you were just a superficial entity anyway.

The heart is the largest muscle in the body, and is divided by four compatible quadrants. Each portion of this circulatory system serves a divine purpose; to sustain life. Consider the possibility of the heart having to be broken at times; just to see what your heart contains. Either you will find your sole purpose for living outside of a purposeless relationship, or maybe your maturity level exceeds or is below the standards necessary to fulfill a meaningful or meaningless relationship, and just maybe you need to love yourself first before you can appreciate or contribute to a mature relationship.

I have learned to examine my heart first. In the inner workings of my heart, lay the substance of my womanhood. I have learned that God has provided me with the vital tools to love unconditionally, and to also know when it is either time to move on, or maintain; "till death do us part."

Stay blessed;
Ty Mays
Precious to only one

The DABDA's of Love

The cessation of life is one of the most difficult realities that mankind will encounter; must encounter. Though we may support scripture that speaks on this wise; "some will be alive at the second Advent of our Lord and Savior.. (1 Thes. 4:15-18) however, there is still the encounter of being changed into an immortal body which still becomes as death to one's mortal being.

There are several stages that one may encounter when facing the inevitable; death. And, all paraprofessionals and professionals in the medical/nursing field have commited these five stages to medical memory banks. In the case of the "terminally ill," the processes may develop slowly. The mental capacity which coincides with the emotional facilities of the dying is known as; D.A.B.D.A. These five studied stages were first introduced in 1969 by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book; "Death and Dying," however these stages still apply to the basics of life. In this particular article my aim is to address; "A dying love."

Oftentimes when we encounter those individuals which have that "something special," and, if you're like myself; you put your best foot forward, and may even crack the door of your heart, in hopes that they will accomodate that human void of intimacy. So, here starts the fruition of; "a new love." It's breathtaking with scents and auras that revitalize the mundane process of living. You apply every principle afforded your sexuality and your gender. You slowly but surely; unchain your heart. And as human nature evolves into the facets of "love," you give your lover the key to your heart....."phenumenal woman/man are we."

Life is progressive; never tires. Life is the gift of God, and our loving Creator has offered test, trials and tribulations to strengthen us for whatever lesson is necessary to encounter, abide under or to promote wellness and spiritual growth. So as we travel with our significant other; the aim is to become as one. However, sometimes during the dating process we miss the ultimate key of compatibility; communication. We forget to listen to the signs. Our vision may be obstructed by beauty, money, children or ignorance. We sometimes don't listen to logic and immaturely apply principles applicable to platonic friendships or relationships based on, "off the chain sex." Ludicrous!

Now the reality of incompatibility coupled with; "I cannot stand you," has set in. What is one to do? Well most logical individuals; seek counseling, try and work it out, temporarily separate, or "breakup/divorce." As with the stages of dying we primarily deny there is anything wrong. Chanting religiously, "Oh it's them, it's me"....yada yada. At best you try and work it out; "to no avail." Then of course anger is a failing relationship's MVP; nothing like "grudge sex," or pointing out the same fallacies that you've lived with for months, years, decades even.

I've heard so many excuses for "piss poor" behaviors until I recently had to throw out the mental file I held on to for future reference. This is the stage of "bargaining." One of the most difficult stages for myself was the third leg of "the dying love relay team; "depression." It's nothing like a woman scorned, or a man who just found out; "that ain't my baby.." (Please don't go on national T.V.). Depression is mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally and irrationally challenging. The depression that one may suffer due to lost love is cynical at times. Not bathing or eating due to an individual that could care less, or has conceded to move on, while you wait outside their house/apartment in hopes of a reconciliation is "street sad." Even a drug abused prostitute knows when to L.I.G. (Let It Go)!

So, here we have it the first four stages of a dying love. The last stage is actually a process; acceptance. The whole concept in comparing D.A.B.D.A., to lost love is to allow the thought processes of the reader to decipher the reality that love should not and does not die. However relationships can and do. People will either drift apart or gravitate towards a reality greater than logic, lust or compatibility; "unconditonal love." Only through Divine appointment can this category of love be achieved and shared. This love is limited to a "soulmate." How will one know? Through prayer and acknowledgement that surpasses human understanding.

The reality should be; though we didn't make it as a couple, we can still maintain an air of decency. Bitterness, unforgiveness, grudges, hate and irrational behaviors are tools of stupidity, and may very well be the culprits of why the relationship died. Love for one's self and life should always remain as the front runner of every couple's journey. Therefore when personalities clash or the reality sets in that; "we just aren't meant for each other.." one can still live; abundantly.

Ty Mays (January 6, 2010)
Tina to many....Precious to only one

Facebook | New Mercies Inc

Facebook | New Mercies Inc

The Wait

Humanity is one the most ridiculed species in the universe. Our existence entails various circumstances, situations, arrivals, departures and humanity within itself; a series of waiting processes.

We wait to be born, we wait to die. But within the waiting process of birth and expiration of life; we live. We live to wait. When I served in the U.S.M.C., a coined expression that any "jarhead" will attest to is; "Hurry and Wait." Hilarious!

Within my own affairs; I've waited to start school; couldn't wait to graduate. I waited for my ASVAB scores; couldn't wait to get the hell out of the Corp. I waited patiently to get married; didn't wait for the honeymoon before I was filing for a divorce. Presently as most will attest to; I couldn't wait to meet the love of my life; I did and we are still awaiting God's direction for our lives. We plan to succeed, and though our venture has a few twist and turns, we continue to trust God.

To wait on God; Hope. To step out of God's will; Spiritual ignorance. I will attest to the fact the most women are anxious for love, and at times we pursue relationships that leave us heartbroken and bitter. Had we waited on God, we would reduce our track record, and better yet; our baby daddy's. Hey let's keep it real. But, even in patiently waiting and believing God's will to be in play; sometimes things just don't work out; Kudos to experience.

We all have our various whims and experimental trials of love, but we all have the God given right to; keep it moving. I think Gucci Mane said it better; "girls are like buses, miss one next fifteen another one coming." Well, so is life. You miss this opportunity; another will soon come. You fail at this right turn, you have a option to make a left or a u turn. But, God's sake don't give up.

Recently we had a major change in plans that proved fruitful in the latter. But through the whole ordeal of investigating various obstacles and emotions; God proved Supreme. God will allow those times that we become transparent and have to face our demons. The true test comes when you are faced with; "can we get through this?" Yes you can. However if you can't, pray about it and possibly seek other avenues, or just; "get off at the next stop."

"My Love'" is the most logical, yet spiritual person I know, and will weigh several options if need be before actually pursuing a venture within his/our journey. This is a commendable attribute. I must admit sometimes we think we have it all figured out, plans are set and God will allow an occurrence to not necessarily change the course, but offer alternatives and options that will prove fruitful if we meditate/pray about His divine will.

God has a permissive will and a divine will. The case with Abram and Sarai (Abraham & Sarah) Ismael through the handmaiden; Hagar was God's permissive will (Genesis 15-18). But the promise was with Sarah conceiving Issac (God's divine will), Abraham seed according to the covenant God made.

Oftentimes we rush for the permissive will and other look or even deny God's divine will; i.e. giving up not realizing had we "waited," we would've proved successful.

Are you are waiting at the bus stop of life? Here are a few pointers that may prove fruitful.

1) Be on time (even if the bus takes a detour; it's usually with a reasonable time parameter)
2) Have a schedule (remember most buses run for all day and half the night)
3) Have the right change (be it a change of heart, change of perception)
4) Know where to get off! (self explanatory)
5) KNOW WHERE YOU GOING!

So, my friends; Psa 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Stay blessed,
Ti Mae (inspirations from - "Inspired Love Loyalty and Friendship" - Jelaco)

Thanks; Giving

My first inclination was to write a piece concerning the fall outs, the fall backs, and the fallen; concerning relationships..yada yada yada. But honestly folks; relationships are a bit overrated. The divorce rate is at an all time high, but everybody's getting married. The reasoning behind the madness concerns me.

Unfortunately during the holiday season most couples try and tough it out; only to find out they really can't stand each other after money is spent on worthless gifts, and promises are still left in file thirteen. What used to be adorable is now incorrigible, and you simply detest this, that, or the other.

My question is; why does it take a holiday to encourage or discourage emotional bliss or blunder? Tomorrow, today, or last week is Thanksgiving, (depending on when you view this blog), and most families are preparing to feast on delicious homemade recipes. Vittles are, depending on your preparation, done and ready for loving consumption. The stomach is willing, but your flesh is still hungry for the inevitable; Thanks Giving.

We thank God for food, holidays, bonuses, our children...yada..yada...yada, but we still harbor the most disgusting feelings towards each other. It's no wonder families are irreversibly broken due to striving to accomplish; a dream. Tell a dream as a dream; until you can interpret the vision God has predestined, even the American dream becomes obsolete and oblivious at best.

I've deterred from the emotionalism that escalates the dramatics on "hold-the-day." I need resolution this year, I needed the fake smiles during dinner to diminish, the endless waiting on phone calls to terminate and better still the perpetual lies to cease.

I resolved last year not to go another year preparing to entertain a "day." I choose to celebrate my life everyday, and relish those special moments with family and friends. The holiday is just another reason to get together; outside of the occasional to weekly or monthly phone calls to check in on a love one, or friend.

I refuse to ever accept the unacceptable. I will love unconditionally, but this does not mean I have to tolerate what no longer benefits me emotionally, spiritually or better yet financially. Why be broke and unhappy. The economy is what it is...but somehow we still manage. Our forefathers have seen worse, and they still, by faith, made it through. We have to rely on faith that those individuals that we've tolerated for so long will make it as well. God is God all by himself; He doesn't need our help.

As the end of this year comes to a close; contemplate where you are personally. Don't allow the holidays to hold you hostage to a situation that will be worse starting out your new year. Make amends, or come to a concluded end; no sequels.

Thanks for Giving yourself a chance; for a change.

Stay blessed...Thankful and Giving every day of the Year